Hi, I am Mari: 33 years old and a single woman
If you have hit your 30s and you are a single woman, you will probably fit in this article. I generally write about Travel and I feel that this is still somehow related to travel. Being a solo traveler woman I find myself often in the middle of conversation touching my sentimental status.
In the last 3 years, I have met far too many people asking me: "You are not married yet, how come?", "Why don't you have a boyfriend at your age?". Even worst "How old are your kids?"... I have none. I can disclose my age, not that I have ever made it a secret. I am a happy woman of 33 years old who is not afraid to age, at all.
The funny part has become to answer them that "I am 33 years old and yes, still single". The terror in their face, like me being single is a crime. Really??
Let me specify this: is not that I am happy or unhappy to be single, it is just a natural status. Do we really decide to be single? Do we really decide to have a companion? I don't believe that to get into a relationship is like to enter a supermarket and decide to have noodles for dinner rather than starve.
I don't decide to be single, it just happens. Yes,I am talking in a present form now. As a status, being single is a moment, exactly as being in a relationship. Who can guarantee that a relationship or being single will last forever? Most of all, shall we put more attention to the status of being or not being in a relationship or in the meaning of the relationship itself?
Not a feminist call, just a fact.
As a woman, with a functioning uterus, the society is expecting from me to be pregnant at around an age of 25. Shall we do 28?
Someone has told me, not too long ago, that at my age there is no point to even think to have a child. It is like women born with a deadline on their shoulder. If you have not a child before the deadline, your life won't matter anymore. It feels like the only achievement for a woman, is to be a mum.
I feel frustrated when I get the usual "Don't you want to achieve your life's goal having a child?". Do not get me wrong I would like to have a child or more than one in the future, but does this means that it is the only way I can feel fulfilled as a woman?
Today I am not writing an article as a feminist I am far from being one. I have already felt the desire of holding a baby into my arms, but I am mature enough to discern this beautiful feeling from the pressure that instead, the society has put on my shoulder, being a woman.
Is the society deciding what we shall and shouldn't be?
I feel is the same also for other women out there.
Going back on the first topic of this discussion "relationship" do we really want one because of the sake of love or because we must have someone at our side otherwise we won't be accepted anymore?
I travel quite a lot, and I have met many women, getting the chance to compare my reality with theirs. Everywhere in the world seems to be the same story: the fear of being single. Is being single suppose to be a fear? Yes at this point, when you feel crushed by a society that imposes you the achievement of certain standard targets in your life. Get your degree, a good job, and meantime a boyfriend who to get married with, and then have kids together. If you do not enter in this perfect circle you have not fulfilled your life.
What about if I feel fulfilled without someone at my side? Is this wrong? What about if to travel the world, to do volunteering, to focus on my career or on other activities make me feel still fulfilled? I am just saying here, that we have to stop the feeling of pressure of being in a relationship.
Where is the Love?
I have loved in the past, and I am a true Love believer. Perhaps I am too romantic, and I think that being in a relationship shouldn't be seen as a lifetime achievement.
A relationship should just occur as a natural reaction to our lives. There is no written deal where a woman (or also a man), should run into a relationship before a certain age. I have seen far too many relationships end dramatically into nightmares, just because were founded on the base of "We got to be together, as this is the way we are supposed to do".
I say no to imposition, I say no to a fake Society-guideline that decides for my own life. Should I feel bad just because I will meet my soul-mate at the age of 40 or over? In the meantime, Can't I feel well achieved anyway?
I have decided not to feel this pressure and to give to myself the gift of choice. Choose of following the flow of my life and my emotions, not living my life based on society's rules.
To seek or not to seek, this is the problem
Feels like a Shakespeare play: shall I seek for a man or I wait until he comes to me. I would say both or even neither of them. You either meet or not someone. You can use as many apps as possible (trust me I know something about it) or go hunting in bars as much as you can, but yet not be in the right place at the right moment.
Because there is no such a thing: there is no right place or right moment ladies. "Right" doesn't really exist. What exists, what matters is just to live your emotions and to make it simple. Someone comes into your life, no matter how, who cares, take it from there step by step.
I understand, as I've proved it on my own skin, that the pressure of being in a relationship push us on rush things, appearing desperate of love. We are not desperate of love, we are just born women in a society that does not allow us the freedom to decide at what age to fall in love.
My message to every women out there desperate for Love
My message is "decide to be what you want to be, no what you have to be". You can be a wonderful mother or a single mother, you can be a single woman, you can be married to somebody or just into a relationship. Doesn't matter the status, as long as you are comfortable with. Do not leave that other decide who you have to be, because life is a gift and we can live it our way.